June 13- Life is Full of Surprises

It's amazing how your world can get flipped on its head in a matter of minutes. Whether it comes as a pleasant surprise or takes a turn for the worse, life can certainly change on a dime. 

Some surprises are the kind of epic proportions. The Hubs and I are still floored that we are having twins. I wonder if that feeling will ever change?! People mention "the twins" and it still seems absolutely bonkers that they are talking about US! That I am the one having them. (Hell, I still can't wrap my head around how they are going to fit in my body! eeeek!) It also changes everything we thought about preparing for a baby. Because before there was a running checklist of: crib, car seat, high chair, etc... and now it's like, oh crap... we need TWO of everything like we're filling a freaking Ark of baby stuff! Yikes! Better get crackalackin on a registry! LOL

Then there are those susprises that knock you for a loop and take the wind out of your sails (and apparently write a lot of idioms!). So there I was on the last day of school for teachers and staff. I expected I wouldn't be there long, as the students' last day was the day before so it was only teachers cleaning out their rooms and doing some last minute housekeeping. Before noon, my boss came into my office and sat down to talk to me. Now, I knew there was a chance my position (Dean of Students) might get cut next year but my boss assured me that if that were to happen she would put me in another position and told me not to worry. So I didn't. Apparently I should have. She came in that day to tell me that my position was not only being cut, but there was no other position for me for next year. That's it. Cut and dry, I am out of a job. I can't believe it. I have spent the past four years busting my ass for this company and they can just let me go like that, without batting an eye. They had already been screwing me over with my salary this year. I had been promised upon getting my position as Dean at the start of the year, that after a probationary period I would go from my teacher salary to the Dean one. Never happened. And all I got was the run-around. So a few weeks ago I wrote a letter to corporate (and even told my boss I was doing so!) and pleaded my case to try and at least get the proper salary for the upcoming year. But instead they let me go! It seems they don't take kindly to employees asking for the money they deserve. So I quickly packed up my things and left out the back door, avoiding the cafeteria where everyone was gathered. I didn't want to cry in front of all the teachers.

So just like that I am out of work. I already was expecting to have the summer off, but it's a totally different feeling when there is nothing to go back to on the other side of it. And while the hubs and I already planned on me quitting work for a few years once the twins are here, or at least just not doing something full time, we were counting on my paychecks up until then. Not to mention, this means no more insurance for me. So I'll have to go on his and that is going to be WAY more expensive. Ugh... The only glimmer of hope is that the girl who runs our company's virtual school is anticipating needed an administrator for when they open up online K-6 in the fall. It would be a full-time position but from predominately working from home and she said I have first dibs. Fingers and toes officially crossed. That would be PERFECT for me so I sure hope to get it. I won't know until next month. In the meantime I will just have to get on unemployment for now so I can at least have SOME income rolling in. Not exactly how I anticipated things going, but then again, when does life ever pan out exactly as planned?!

But hey, when life gives you lemons... grab some vodka and do a shot! Ugh... vodka... in another life that would have sounded fabulous, but now it just curdles my stomach. While I am absolutely over the moon about being pregnant, I am also absolutely over the toilet quite often. Retching my guts out while simultaneously peeing myself is all the rage these days and has become part of my daily routine. The best way I can put being pregnant so far is this: It's like being hungover when you have the flu and it's that time of the month. ALL THE DAMN TIME! lol. But hey... it is what it is and I'll get through it, however, I won't lie... it has been ROUGH! 

I did have my final visit with Dr. T. and had another ultrasound. Babies are doing healthy and holy crap they are growing fast! **see below image for 6 week and 8 week ultrasounds** Heartbeats are strong and came in at 163 and 175, the little overachievers that they are!


Lastly, I want to give a special shout out to all of you who have been reading my blog. The feedback I am getting on a daily basis means more to me than I could ever put into words. The fact that my story is inspiring so many of you not to lose hope is all I ever wanted with this and it does my heart good to hear from you. There are even some of you who are starting a blog of your own stories (if you get a chance check out the blog of "Freija Chloe" at http://itsgonnatakeavillage.blogspot.com/ )

I DO think you ALL have a chance, despite what the doctors may tell you. Because life is full of surprises and you never know what it will bring! So keep hope alive and continue fighting the fight, you are stronger than you even realize. 

Sending positive vibes your way. <3


15 comments:

  1. Your blog gives me hope. We had another appointment this week with the RE and she looked at me like I had 4 heads when I said I wanted to try TCM and acupuncture to help get my hormonal levels back out of post-menopausal levels. I know I can't do anything about low ovarian reserve but I am going to give it my best to get preggers. And a lot of this is also mind over matter. Keep posting as I love to follow your journey!

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    1. Thank you for writing! That is what I found with most of the REs I went to... they knew nothing about TCM so therefore they discredited it. There ARE some out there who are more supportive about it though. The fourth RE I went to actually goes to my TCM doctor himself! He said he doesn't understand how it works, but it just does so he continues to go. That is how Western Medicine doctors SHOULD be about it. Just because they don't know about it, doesn't mean it doesn't work!

      As for the ovarian reserve... I've seen people change their numbers. Granted, not a huge dramatic jump but definitely raise them with wheatgrass, royal jelly, DHEA, etc... Hell, I was told my egg count was undetectable and after 3 months of taking all the stuff I did and going to my TCM I finally ovulated with not one, but TWO eggs! So despite what Western Medicine practitioners say, it IS possible!

      Keep on fighting the fight!!

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  2. I love your story! I have been brought to tears while reading. I especially loved the video of you telling your parents! that was so sweet. Congrats! Your story has given me hope. i was ready to give up when i was diagnosed with pof. But after reading all your blogs im going to try again. Good luck to you. :)

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    1. Thank you so much for writing. It does my heart good to know that my story gives you hope. There IS hope for all of those out there battling this diagnosis so don't give up!! :-) Definitely keep me posted!

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  3. Thank you SO much for starting this amazing account of your journey. I am thrilled that you are now pregnant (with twins!) and when I saw your video I teared with joy! I, too, have low AMH (.17) and high FSH at 12 and you have given me hope. I am now taking most of the supplements you took and have sent them onto my friends in the same situation, along with your blog link. You are truly an inspiration to all women out there struggling with infertility and want you to know how much your story means to us. Please keep the posts coming!!

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    1. Thank you so very much for your kind words. It truly means the world to me to hear that my story is helping others. Your FSH is a skidge higher than mine was and your FSH is as low as mine was right when I got pregnant! So I definitely think there is hope for you!! Always remember, those doctors don't know everything and they are trained to give worst case scenerio according to their statistics. But there are WAY too many success stories out there that just goes to show it IS possible to turn this thing around. Please keep me posted on how things turn out with you. Don't ever give up!! <3

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  4. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I was diagnosed in February with an FSH of 114. You give me so much hope. I started taking the list of herbs you have on your blog last week. I have read way too many success stories to give up!
    Love reading your blog!!

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    1. Nicole,

      I'm so sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but am happy to hear I've given you hope! I've seen way too many success stories to believe that you can't turn this thing around. Thank you for writing and definitely keep me posted on how things go with you!

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  5. Ohhh you know... just back here again to marvel at those two beautiful babies. :)

    I wanted to thank you for the blog mention. I've been in touch with some other ladies who, like me, are SO inspired by your journey. This post makes me so happy. I cannot guarantee that I won't return to it week after week as I go through my procedure. Some days are hopeful, others I am sure this will never work.... on those days there is you and this beautiful reminder that it's possible. Thank you again!

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    1. Oh FC,

      Your posts make me SO unbelievably happy. <3 You feel free to come back to this post ANY time you need a boost and a reminder that it CAN happen for you, too! I totally understand the whole feeling positive one day and down the next. Trust me, as gung-ho and peppy as most of my posts were throughout everything, there was a lot of behind-the-scenes depression and frustration going on. But it was then that I would do what you are doing, which is seek out positive sources (and reread the good ones!) to pep me up and give me a swift kick of hope again. You just keep hanging in there and fighting the fight like the champ you are and you'll make it happen! And I can't wait until you get to make that glorious post on YOUR blog! :-)
      Much love.

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  6. Hi! I am Nancy from the high fsh forum, I have been following your story and really amazed! I popped in here and saw your news, WOW!!!!!!! TWINS! I am so glad you perservered with your natural treatments and didn't take NO for an answer. The docs don't know everything, and you sure proved that to them! I too do mayan massage, and most of the things you mention on your blog, I don't have POF, but high FSH so I am hoping it will all work out in the end. I have shared your story with several people, it's truly inspiring. Thanks for sharing your story with everyone!

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    1. Hi Nancy! Thank you so much for writing. I agree the doctors don't know everything and there are SO many success stories out there from people who have tried all these natural treatments, so there has to be something to it! I do believe there is hope for everyone, it's just about staying strong, positive and never lose hope! I am so glad my story can help inspire people. I always turned to the internet to keep hope alive so it's nice to know I can do the same for someone else. Keep me posted on things and keep fighting the fight!

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  7. Wow I was so amazed by how you never gave up no matter what the doctor said. I have scar tissue on my ovaries and I am trying to get it removed so I can start trying. Your story still gives me hope that doctors do not know everything. Congrats on the babies! I would be shocked but excited also

    Christina

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    1. Christina,

      Thank you for writing. While my pig-headed stubbornness can probably get me into trouble sometimes, in the case of not settling for all the doctors' negativity it certainly paid off. That's not to say it was easy. It definitely came with its share of ups and downs. But I think we women are fighters. We're stronger than we probably give ourselves credit for. I have a friend who kept getting tumors on her ovaries and every time she went back to get things checked, more had appeared. She kept having to undergo surgery to remove them and they even wound up removing one of her ovaries. Well, she finally had a window opportunity when there were no new tumors so she jumped at IVF. It took the first time and I'm happy to say she has a healthy 2 month baby boy right now! Doctors told her it wasn't in the cards for her but she never gave up. So keep on fighting the fight, girl. And keep me posted how things go!

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  8. Hi Jeannette
    i happened upon your blog and i need a little hope too!
    i have gone thru several IVFs- all a bust-
    i am trying to get more details on your fertility pack which YES i would pay for and you should do

    i am doing:
    royal jelly twice a day
    l-arginine twice a day
    myo inositol twice a day
    prenatal
    coq 10 600 mg a day
    vit d/calcium

    i have been doing it for about 2 months, but took two weeks off because i was depressed when my last IVF didn't work
    by the way no doctor or nurse will condone any of this to me, i just cobbled it together.

    kay.
    so happy to read your happy story!!!

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