May 30- The Art of Overachieving...x 2

Yesterday we had our first ultrasound! We were SO nervous!! It was the first time we would be able to SEE the baby... or, well, "blueberry" according to the What To Expect website. Hell, there could be a whole fruit salad in there and I'd be cool with it as long as it was healthy! 

So we got to the Dr.'s office and anxiously awaited our fate. It was fun taking the Hubs into the patient room with the table and stirrups. That was his first glimpse of what it's like being at a gyno appointment! We saw the stick part of the ultrasound machine, the part that goes inside, and I asked him if it was gonna be weird for him being in a room where another man sticks something up his wife's hoo-ha. He laughed and said maybe a little. Too funny!

When the Dr. came in he was all smiles as usual and was super friendly as always. It was the first time the Hubs got to meet him. The Dr. was being all jokey with us saying, "so you're not all that interested in seeing the ultrasound, right?" Of course knowing full well we were on pins and needles. He got right to it- flipped on the screen, stuck the wand part in me and said, "good luck!" Within a matter of seconds Dr. T. says, "You've got to be kidding me!" ????Huh???? He says again, " You've got to be kidding me! Unbelievable." The Hubs and I were both like, "What?!?," wondering what on earth was going on. Then he said the craziest thing I've ever heard. "Twins." What???? I laughed and said, "You're messing with me, right?" He said, "I'm not messing with you. It's twins." And with that he showed us the two little sacs on the screen. I looked back at my husband with what I can only imagine was a look of shock, excitement, and sheer terror, all at the same time. I felt like saying, but I didn't order two! LOL. The Dr. said he may want to write a medical journal article about me. That this is unreal. The fact that I went from having POST menopausal hormone levels, was told by four doctors that donor egg was most likely going to be my only option... I then spontaneously ovulated and got pregnant before I could even have a period... and then to find out it's twins! He is absolutely floored! I think it would be fantastic to be in a medical journal. I'd love to be a part of anything that could offer even more hope and inspiration to others with my condition!

So the babies are apparently fraternal twins. Which means not only happened to spontaneously ovulate... I did it TWICE. Two eggs and two different sperm. I mean, I wanted to prove the doctors wrong and all but this is a bit much! LOL. I am completely shocked beyond belief! I never even dreamed this would be a possibility! 

Needless to say we haven't been able to keep being pregnant a secret any longer. We had only told close family and friends (and of course all of you in the infertility world) but that was it. As of last night we did everything but put out a public broadcast announcement! We FB'd it and spilled the beans to everyone. We HAD to. One was hard enough keeping a secret, but TWO?? No way!

So... the next ultrasound is in two weeks. Since it was still so early we didn't get to hear the heartbeats but we were able to see the flutters! So next time we should be able to hear them. THEM. omg.... I am in total shock. Elated as all get out, but scared as hell! Where are they going to fit in me??? That's a whole lot of baby and not a lot of real estate! I won't lie, I am a bit terrified of carrying and delivering them... Sure people have done it many times before, but that doesn't make me feel any better! Yikes! 

Well this sure explains why I've been so damn hungry! LOL! This is certainly going to be one crazy journey. I'll definitely keep you updated.

In the meantime... NEVER LOSE HOPE!!!! Look at what can happen with a little positive thinking and perseverance! Keep hanging on to hope and pushing forward and your dreams can come true, too! <3

May 24- So Far So Good

Well... So far everything seems to be going smoothly. I went for my second blood test (Beta test) to see if the numbers doubled like they are supposed to and they did! They actually MORE than doubled! Score!! My TSH was a bit higher than the Dr. would like (my thyroid level) so they wanted me to come back in two days to get it retested to see if I needed to be put on medication to bring it down. It was at 3.5 and they want to keep it under 2. So I went back two days later and my numbers were still doing well but my TSH shot up to 5 in a matter of two days! So they immediately wrote me a script for Synthroid (50mg) and said that should bring my thyroid level down and keep it there. In the meantime, the Dr. wanted me to get a Cortisol test to make sure that wasn't rising along with my thyroid level. So of course I immediately researched the crap out of it. From what I gathered, he was most likely checking to make sure I didn't have adrenal fatigue, as having an elevated TSH along with Cortisol could be a sign of it. I received word back within a few days and my Cortisol came back normal. Whew! 

Next up... First ultrasound on the 29th!!!  The hubs and I seriously can't wait! It is SO incredibly nerve wracking!!! I just want to know everything is okay. 

Until then... :-)

May 13- Spilling the Beans

Tonight I got to tell my parents. It couldn't have played out more perfectly. My mom has been away on her "trip of a lifetime" to Europe with my aunt for two weeks, so I haven't been able to talk to her much. Last thing she knew we were having to make a quick decision on going for IVF (to which she said "go for it"). And let me tell you how hard it is to keep this big of a secret from her! Her and I are more like sisters than mother/daughter and I'm an only child, so you do the math! But this would be one secret that was worth the wait!

So her trip home was today and she was supposed to have a 4 hour layover in Miami, which is about 3.5 hours from where her home airport is. My dad was originally going to pick her up at the Orlando airport, but for some reason out of the blue he decided he was going to pick her up in Miami and drive her home so she wouldn't have a 4 hour layover. Which was really rather odd because my parents aren't together! They've been split up for 20 years but live 2 miles from each other and have only in recent years become somewhat friends. So him offering to drive all the way down to pick her up even though she already had a connecting flight home was surprising. But it actually couldn't have worked out more perfectly. That very same day I had to drive down to Ft. Lauderdale to stay over night for a company-wide Assistant Principal meeting the next day. And even better, the time she was getting in to Miami made it so they would be passing through Ft. Laudie right when I'd be checking into the hotel. Craziness, right?! And what better time to drop the baby bomb on the 'rents then when they'd both be together!

For some reason I was so nervous about telling them. But a good nervous. I mean, it couldn't have been timed more perfectly. Right after my mom's long trip, the weekend we were having to decide if we were going to give IVF a shot... on MOTHER'S DAY WEEKEND... It's almost unbelievable! Anyway, so I bought a Mother's Day card that said "Grandma" on it. I also took a pic of one of my positive preg tests and had it developed to stick in the card.

The premise was that G and I have a few gifts for Ma for Mother's Day that we wanted to give her when we both see her the following weekend, but we had one gift we wanted to give her now. When my parents showed up at the hotel, I was nearly shaking with anticipation. There was no way I could drag it out so one of the first things I did was give my mom her "gift." Since G couldn't be there, I tried videoing it with my phone. It's not the best quality, but it is definitely worth it's weight in gold. Check out their priceless reaction...


Spilling the Beans- My Parents Reaction 

Funny, I didn't cry when it happened, but I sure do every time I watch it! 

May 11- One In Ten Million

Well... The Dr. confirmed it. I'm pregnant!!!

I can't believe it! I'm absolutely stunned. After being told I had a one in ten million chance of getting pregnant, here I am. It's unbelievable. So when I ovulated 12 days ago (unbeknownst to me at the time) the hubs and I had sex on and around that day and poof. Knocked up. Wow.

The Beta Test they did show I am pregnant and the Dr. himself called to tell me. He said he wants me to get retested Monday to see if my hormone level doubles (which is apparently what it's supposed to do every 48-72 hours). The hubs and I were jumping for joy! That was the moment we finally felt like this was real. I called Dr. Fu to tell her the news and she was elated and said it was a miracle. I told her I honestly feel like it was because of her treatment that it happened, and I wholeheartedly believe that. She asked me to give her the date of the day I ovulated (that she pointed out to me on my BBT chart) which was 12 days earlier. She explained that you count from the day of your last menstrual period as how far along you are. Since I haven't gotten a period since I got off BC last summer she added 2 weeks from when I ovulated, so I'm considered 4 weeks pregnant. Craziness. Dr. Fu said the fact that I'm only 4 weeks and the home preg tests were registering as pregnant even in the evenings means that the pregnancy is strong. !!!! Unreal.

So the hubs and I decided we're not gonna go make a public service announcement just yet, but we would tell a small handful of people who see closest to us. We told his parents via Skype (they live in another state) and my two cousins that are like sisters to me. As for my parents, my mom has been away for two weeks on her trip of a lifetime and is flying back on Monday. Her layover is in south FL and it just so happens that I'll be close to there Monday, as I have to stay over for an Assistant Principals meeting Tues. Well, my dad decided he was going to just drive down to pick her up rather than make her wait with a 4 hour layover to fly home. (Which is actually rather odd because my parents aren't together). But he figured then they could both see me together since it's been a while and then we can talk in person about whether or not we should for IVF. Ha! They have no idea what they are in for!! I'm planning on giving my mom a Mother's Day card that says "grandma" and put a picture in it of the digital preg test that shows "pregnant." They are gonna cry their eyes out! I've got to try and video it with my phone somehow since the hubs can't be there!

This whole thing is crazy. While I may have been determined as all get out, it medically wasn't supposed to happen. And now here I am, 4 weeks pregnant, the FIRST time I ovulated since getting off the pill 9 months ago (and who knows if it would have happened again), on Mother's Day weekend, the weekend we had to decide on trying IVF, and get this... My due date is the EXACT date I found out I had Premature Ovarian Failure and was told I couldn't have kids. The planets surely aligned to make this happen! I firmly believe it has everything to do with all the things I've been doing these past 4 months. The Chinese Herbs and Acupuncture being number one, in my opinion. That along with all the supplements, fertility massage, yoga, castor oil packs and wheat grass... All of it worked in conjunction to bring me from POST menopausal hormone levels, diminished ovarian reserve and completely nonfunctioning ovaries to having numbers in the normal range, ovulating and getting pregnant in the matter of 4 months.

And while we may be holding off from spilling to everyone, I just couldn't keep it from you guys. Not because I wanted to share the news, but to instill hope in each and every one of you. To show you that Western Medicine doesn't know everything. That if you've been diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure and given the Donor Egg speech, there is still hope. So never, EVER, give up!!!

Fingers crossed the pregnancy sticks!

I'll keep you posted!...

In the meantime, if you are new to my blog and want to know everything I've done in the past 4 months to turn my diagnosis around, if you go back and read through my posts I have written in detail about each alternative supplement and treatment!

May 10- What the....?!?

So last night I picked up some preg tests. Not because I thought I was pregnant, but more because of something my good friend from work said. My boobs have been killing me all week and I've been breaking out like crazy on my face and back. I just chalked it up to PMS, as I've been expecting the mother of all periods, as I haven't gotten once since getting off BC last August. My friend made a comment that she got like that really bad both times she was pregnant with her girls. So between that and Dr. Fu pointing out when I ovulated- which was right when we had sex a few days in a row- I figured what the hell...I knew it wouldn't read positive but didn't hurt to check.

I took the preg test stick out of the wrapper and set it on the bathroom counter. I usually have to pee in the early morning hours so I wanted to make sure I definitely used the first urine of the day. Sure enough my bladder woke me up around 5am, so I grabbed the stick and headed to the royal throne. I peed a lot (TMI) and with the light of my phone I checked the test window. Nothing. Not even in the control part. Just when I thought I somehow got a defective test, I realized my half asleep ass forgot to take the cap off. Nice. So I peed on the cap! Sigh... So I had to wait until next round....

The alarm and all it's pleasantries woke me up an hour later. I had to pee again so I grabbed a stick and this time, took the cap off! Waited a few minutes and checked (ok I was staring at it that whole time). Solid control line, light second line. Wait, what does that mean? Grabbed box to check. One line = Negative. Two lines = Positive. But this was a faint line. I walked to the kitchen to confer with the hubs.he looked at it just as quizzically as I did. No clue. I soon had to leave for work and took the other test with me.

When I got to work I immediately told my good friend what was going on. She fired back with, "and you better have brought the other one." I did. So I chugged my water, worrying that would dilute things too much and cause an inaccurate test result. Did the test again and damn it, same thing. Light second line. My friend demanded to see it and she said two lines is two lines, but I should go get a digital to be sure. I ran out and picked up a box of five. Heh...

By now I thought for sure there was no way this one was going to actually say "pregnant." The little hourglass timer thingy blipped on the screen for what seemed like an eternity. And then there it was. PREGNANT.

No. Flipping. Way.

My friend screamed and jumped up and down but I just still couldn't believe it. I emailed Dr. T. (Which was a reply to a string of emails back and forth regarding us making the incredibly difficult decision to jump into IVF within the next few days) and told him I had a few positive preg tests and asked what to do. He emailed right away to come in for blood test and a minute later the nurse called asking me the same. Unfortunately they close early Fridays and there was no way I'd make in time but they said I could come in at 9 the next day. Ahhhh waiting....

Even though the two more digital tests I took were both positive, the Hubs and I feel equally skeptical. I mean, we've had four Dr.'s in the past 4 months give the Donor Egg speech, two of which were just last week! We both feel like there was some strange explanation for all this and we are afraid to get our hopes up just to get let down. At this point, all we can do was wait...

May 8- Decisions, Decisions...

Well, I wrote to Dr. T. and asked if I do get my period (which he says I will) what kind of options do we have? If we should jump on something because I might not get a cycle again or if we should chance it and start using a fertility monitor on the day of my period and try naturally. He responded shortly after and said it is up to us how long we want to wait. That we could try naturally and hope for my cycle to continue, but it's a total crapshoot. He explained that IF I do ovulate again I have about a 5-10% chance of getting pregnant. And that's a big IF. Dr. T. often reiterates that it's only a matter of time before my eggs run out and stop working for good due to my severe ovarian aging.
The other option he gave me is if I want to be aggressive and jump on IVF as soon as I get my period. I about fell out of my chair. Every Dr. I have seen (including this one) has given me the Donor Egg speech. There were no options. Ummm big decision much?? 

I had my weekly visit with my TCM yesterday and talked about the situation with her. She was surprised to hear the suggestion of IVF so quickly but understands why. I showed her my BBT Chart and she was able to instantly point out which day I ovulated. The positive thing is the hubs and I got it on the day before and day of so that was pretty good accidental timing! Now wouldn't that be something...  But I'm not getting my hopes up there. I'll still be happy to just get my period.

Anyway...on one hand I'm thinking if I ovulated this month maybe I will do it again next month. I've been sitting on a fertility monitor a friend gave me back in September
(not literally. What? That's not how you use it? LOL) And I could potentially start using it the day I get my period. I've read that using a fertility monitor can increase your chances by 50%, but it could also take a few cycles and I don't even know if I'll get another one after this or not. If I decide on trying IVF, I should be getting my period any day now so it's literally a matter of DAYS before I would have to start the process. It's expensive. Not that it will deter us from doing IVF, I just figured if it came to that we would have more time to be ready to drop that kind of cash. With the IVF the Dr. said I have about a 60% chance of it working. These repetitive thoughts keep bouncing back and forth in my head like a ping pong ball...what if I do get my cycle back for a few months? Then I could have a chance to try fertility monitor... but what if I decide to go that route and I don't get my cycle back. Then I will regret not trying and I don't know how I could live with that...AHHHHH!!!!  This is the hardest decision I've ever been faced with. Or am I being stupid? Should it just be a cut and dry decision to do it because I don't know if I will get the chance again. Ya know, the whole "when opportunity knocks" thing. But again... what if I wait and see and try naturally?  Ugh.... I don't know.

Then there's also the appointment I have with Dr. Check in Jersey next month. Plane ticket booked and all. I mean, if it meant being able to get pregnant here I am fine with not going to meet with h... Things are different right now than when I booked the trip and appt. But... That could change again at any moment...

I would love to hear from my readers on this... I know the decision is ultimately ours, but any advice or suggestions would be immensely appreciated. The protocol would be Microflare Lupron since I have diminished ovarian reserve. It's apparently the gold standard for people with DOR. Do I jump on it, do I wait and see?  Oy Vay. My head is spinning...

May 6- Standing "O"vation

Last week, if you recall, while I was at my appointment with Dr. T. (the RE I liked) he did an ultrasound and said he saw some activity (Like my ovaries were playing tennis or something). He saw there were a few follicles in each ovary and one side looked like I ovulated. He immediately wanted my progesterone checked to verify. So I had my blood drawn in the office and was sent on my merry way. Dr. T. emailed me later that afternoon to let me know the test was somewhat inconclusive, with the number showing that I either already ovulated or was about to. And that if I didn't get my period by the weekend to come in Monday to get my progesterone rechecked.

So today was that Monday and I went in to do just that. Within a few hours I got a call from Dr. T's nurse letting me know that the test showed I had ovulated between my last visit and today, which was within a week. So the Dr. was right in thinking I was about to ovulate when he did the ultrasound. Now of course I'm wracking my brain wondering if any of the weird twinges I felt was me ovulating. That's the thing with not having a cycle...with every little odd feeling I am always wondering what the hell is going on down there! I asked the nurse a bajillion questions just to be sure SHE was sure I ovulated. And if that means I will definitely get a period. She said yes and I then clarified if she knows my situation- that I have POF and haven't had a period since I got off BC last summer- and she did.

So... I ovulated. Wow. Ok. I still kinda have this feeling of I'll believe it when I see it, ya know? And maybe the hesitance of being too excited also stems from the Dr. telling me not to get my hopes up too high because even though my cycle came back this month, it doesn't mean it will return the next month. That most people with my condition will get some kind if activity on occasion, but it could be just once a year, once every few years, or maybe a few months at a time. There's no predicting any of it. Sigh... It sounds negative, but I actually do appreciate his honesty. Keeps my reality in check.

Meanwhile while my ovaries are playing Russian Roulette, I'm wondering when AF is going to grace me with her presence and what that's going to be like. I've heard after not having it for so long it will come back with a vengeance. I imaging it will be something like this:

(It's an old SNL skit that is HILARIOUS)

That's pretty much how I imagine it going down. But all kidding aside, I don't care how bad it is, I welcome it with open arms! While I don't have any extreme PMS symptoms just yet, the boobs do hurt a bit and my face is looking like that of a greasy teenage fry cook. My forehead has broken out into a lovely constellation of zits. I'm pretty sure I see the Big Dipper. 

The Hubs and I talked about what this means and I mentioned that Dr. T. said if I do ovulate I'll get my period and then there may be some options, but we'd have to act fast because we don't know if my cycles will continue. So we decided I will write the Dr. tomorrow (he is really awesome with emailing back quickly) and ask him what treatment options there are if all of this truly comes to pass. I'll keep you posted...